sad news

I don't know why it is that some people touch your life and leave a mark that stays forever, even though you may just have a fleeting moment in time spent together. But in my life, Jennie did. She was younger than I by about two years, and we were Chemistry lab partners, but neither of us really belonged in Chemistry. We belonged outside, we belonged with a notebook, we belonged in the world of words.

Jennie, who I hadn't seen in ten years and was never close with to begin with, nonetheless touched my life with her beauty, her love of the outdoors and all living creatures, her beautiful writing. Her death in February was shocking and tragic and....(the words we dare not speak)....understandable. My husband never knew Jennie, but as he heard about her his face turned ashen. "She sounds so much like you," he said quietly. She wasn't. She was so much better, so much more beautiful, so much more compassionate. But I can't deny that I understand. And in some small, stripped-down way, maybe I am a little like her. I get it, at least. And I'll say it. And if you don't get it, if you are one of the countless people saying, "What could possibly be so bad?" then just maybe keep the words to yourself for once and thank your lucky stars that you don't know. Because in that way you are goddamn lucky lucky lucky.

If my limited chronic illness has slashed the canvas that my life wanted to be, what would hers have been like? I hope to never know.

Jennie's suicide was shocking and unbelievably sad. I've often thought of her in the seven months that have passed. And today. The news that Jennie's younger sister Lindsay has died, too, another suicide victim of chronic illness. I never knew Lindsay at all, only knew of her what Jennie had written, but that was enough to know that the world has again lost a beautiful spirit, another compassionate and wonderful soul.

Sad day. I hope Jennie and Lindsay are whole and happy together somewhere.